Last week I finally got some answers about my health. As many of you know I’m sick quite frequently. I’ve had shingles a few times over the last eighteen months, and my body just decides not to fight off some infections. I’ve dealt with it, because that’s what you do. You trudge forward.
So when I was told I have an autoimmune disorder my instant reaction was well no fucking shit. Yes, it took eighteen months to get to this point and three immune specialists because of course, it’s some super rare crap. I won the genetic lottery. I’d just gotten to the point where I don’t care anymore. Unless they were going to give me some magical pill to not get sick anymore I didn’t see the point in more testing.
After getting the news, everyone kept asking me if I was okay. You should have seen the look of confusion on my face. I hadn’t been diagnosed with something really scary like cancer. I’m not dying. I’ve already been dealing with this. It’s not like my immune system has quit on me. It has just decided not to fight some really random things which will now plague me more frequently. Clearly I’m so high strung and can’t sit still that my immune system has decided to be the lazy part of my body. Fucker.
With answers comes the possibility of some treatment; so I’ll possibility get sick less often. Good news in my opinion. So again, I was in shock when everyone kept checking on me to see how I was doing. They also didn’t seem to believe me when I told them I was good.
As I sit here drinking my coffee this morning, made by my partner, because I’m spoiled. I’m looking out at the water, I’ve been so lucky to live near for the past three years, while trying to write an anthology piece because I’ve been amazingly included in with a group of really kick ass authors. Sitting here with my kids interrupting me every thirty seconds, to tell me something asinine, I can’t help but feel lucky. Life is hard, there is no mistaking it. There are ups and downs.
I spent most of the summer down, stressed and a little broken, but during this low I’ve got to know some of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. Like minded people, talented people, smart people, and in such a short time I already can’t image my life without them. These people inspire me not only in my art, but also to do more for the world and those around me. My father used to tell me to fill my life with people I want to emulate, individuals who push you to be better. Today I feel completely surrounded in a wealth of these people. I also wrote one of the best books I’ve ever written this past summer. Say Yes is emotionally charged and I’m really excited about sharing it. It’s being published with All Romance eBooks, I’ve been fortunate enough to be invited to publish with them, and Say Yes will be out December 1st.
Looking back, I was in a broken hell for months, living was an effort. I wouldn’t want to go back to that mental place, it was a low. There haven’t been many worse in my life, but I have to say I wouldn’t change a thing. If I had to suffer to get to a place with all these amazing things in my life it was worth it. Every single day, every experience I’ve lived though has gotten me to this place, and this person I am. Life works in cycles, we wouldn’t know the good without the bad. I truly believe this. Karma has brought me so many good things in the form of people throughout the sadness. There may always be this hole in my chest, but today it feels a lot smaller and I can breathe again. I am thankful and I am lucky.
Song obsession of the week: How Did You Love by Shinedown. It’s fitting with my blog post this week.
To do list:
Finish secret project X and get it to the betas. I’m really excited about this one. If you’re in my fan group I posted a teaser there.
More packing.
Then finish Clouded hell. The goal is to have it done in the next two weeks.
Edits for Say Yes.
Finish up stuff for Queer Romance Month
If you need something to read this week Check out The C Word by Kerry Heavens
